Honesty.

Abby took this picture last year shortly before our English department graduation began. I laughed the first time I saw it because of the honesty in my face. It was one of the more frightening days of my life and a camera captured it. I was riddled with angst and nausea for much of the morning and afternoon. 

Even though it's been a year, I'm in the same place I was when the photo was taken. I'm close to graduating again and am uncertain of what comes next. It hit me today when I turned in my final portfolio how close the end really is. The hardest part is trusting that something will work out because something always does.

Dreaming.

Last night I had a dream that culminated every fear I've ever had about first dates:

First, the guy showed up in a camouflage hoodie to pick me up. I wasn't happy his wardrobe choice but got over it. Then we went to a restaurant and shortly after ordering, my entire extended family from my dad's side showed up to the same restaurant. As my dad walked over, this guy tried to kiss me.

We finished dinner and when the check came, my date asked my mom to pay for it, which she did. My mom's that nice even in the dream world. After the check was taken care of, we planned on going to see a movie. While I was putting my jacket on,  the guy looked at me with a pained expression and dumped me because my grandparents owned a beach house, making me too high maintenance for him.

Dumped by a guy in a camouflage jacket who tried to kiss me in front of my whole family and made my  mom pay for dinner because I have access to a beach house.

It was the worst date I've never been on.